casse-croûte (je ris, donc je vole.)

je viens de gratter (un bout de) ma cour, pis maudit que j'aurais juste le goût d'inviter tout le monde à venir jouer au hockey dans l'entrée. pis là, soit que je serais brûlé après dix minutes, sois j'aurais changé d'idée avant que tout le monde arrive. pas grave, ça aurait été le fun pareil.

rien à dire, juste le goût de poster de quoi de volé à quelque part, un ripoff de livret d'instructions d'assemblage d'ikea.


as wall materials vary, screws for fixing to wall are not included. the only screw that is included is the one we gave you. 149$ for about 10$ worth of particleboard; thank you for funding the swedish social welfare system.

TOOLS

all you'll need is a screwdriver, hammer, pencil, lots of asymmetrical white space and a smile! a smile that goes so far back that your entire face can unhinge like a pez dispenser. ready to get to work, man blob? all right, gimme five. sorry, i meant two. there's nothing wrong with having two fingers. it's totally cool, just don't touch me. it's creepy. yeah, you look stupid when you give me the finger.


CARRYING INSTRUCTIONS

DON’T just pleasure yourself with the building materials, pleasure a friend too. especially the one whose head is filled with giant tumors. people with tumors are generally excited to be included in activities with non-cancerous people. you can tell he's excited when he releases a dump into his pants.


QUESTIONS?

if a rectangle and a square cause you to think in punctuation marks or if you're looking at a mimeographed communist flyer instead of the instruction booklet, then call ikea. make sure to use the phone that is directly attached to the building or your call won't go through.


ASSEMBLY INSTRUCTIONS

DON'T fuck the bookcase. you will break it. this is virgin lumber and must be treated as such. DO put the bookcase on a magic carpet and fly all over the world for ikea's new awareness ad campaign about not fucking the bookcases.
(PS: you can fuck the bookcase when no one is watching.)


FINAL STEP

whoa, who are these guys? what happened to the man blob? did the superior cartoon doodles kill him because he kept impaling the bookcase with his blob penis? or are they just racists? i bet if ikea was drawing a basketball game, everyone would be the same except for the guy dunking, who just happens to be black.